“When a Haircut Goes Viral: Fear, Communication, and the Emotional Attachment to Black Hair”

In this episode of Hair What I’m Saying, we unpack the haircut that went viral on TikTok and why it sparked so much emotion. From the fear many Black women have around cutting their hair to the deep emotional attachment we place on our strands, we dive into the psychology behind why haircuts can feel personal.

I break down the importance of consultations and clear communication with your stylist, showing why understanding your hair’s health is more important than just chasing length. We explore how fear and misconceptions about Black hair can turn a routine haircut into a viral moment, and why stylists often face the heat after doing their best.

If you’ve ever hesitated before a haircut, worried about losing length, or struggled with your hair’s health, this episode is for you. We talk about emotional attachment, proper consultations, and how communication between client and stylist can prevent misunderstandings. Plus, we highlight why your hair deserves care, not fear, and how letting go of damaged ends can help your hair truly thrive.

Tune in as we discuss TikTok drama, real stylist experiences, and why fear, emotional attachment, and communicationare at the center of every haircut. Whether you’re a client or a stylist, this episode will help you rethink how you view your hair and your next trim.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Viral Haircut Fallout
• 2:14 Comment Wars And Stereotypes
• 4:10 Receipts, Threats, And Safety
• 5:18 Why Haircuts Feel Personal
• 7:12 Dead Ends And Real Hair Health
• 9:25 The Stylist In Social Media Court
• 11:05 Consultations That Build Trust
• 14:20 Education Over Fear
• 16:20 Industry Burnout And Silence

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:25

This is a stylus response to the client's TikTok video that went viral.

SPEAKER_00: 0:32

I really hope that anything to takeaway is that she has to be confident enough, comfortable enough to speak up. Speak up and say when you like something and when you don't like something. The goal is not only just healthy hair, but a healthy and happy client.

SPEAKER_01: 0:52

Now y'all hear that right. The emotion and the reality. One person feels like she lost everything, and the other thought she was just simply doing her job. And this right here is exactly why I wanted to have this conversation. So today we're unpacking it all. What really happens when a haircut becomes personal? Why so many black women fear sheers and what stylists go through when a client turns their chair experience into a viral moment. Okay, so let's get into it. A client by the name of, I believe, Jade, it's spelled J-A-A-I-D-E. I do not want to mess that up, but I believe it's Jade went viral after accusing her stylist Erica of cutting too much of her hair. And when I say viral, I mean viral. The neighborhood talk picked it up. She was emotional, even sliding down the wall, crying, talking about how she'd been growing her hair for years and felt like her progress was pretty much robbed, just gone. The comments, surprisingly, went in a direction I was not expecting. Because anytime a client shares a horrible experience on social media, I'm telling you, it is a really bad situation for the stylist, not the client. But no, for the first time, it seemed as though social media court was on the hairstylist side. I don't know. It was it was very weird to witness because I just knew those comments were gonna be eating Erica up. Okay. They were saying things like, Your hair was dead. You were holding on to split ends, she looks healthier now. And this one, black women love holding on to damaged hair just to say it's long. Now, that comment, it had a lot of people agreeing, but it also had a lot of people disagreeing because me myself personally know that that's not true. I've worked in an all-white salon and I've seen white women also hold on to split and dead ends as well. This is not a black woman thing. We are just more vocal about it and we don't mind sharing about it. So it looks like we are the only one with this problem, but we're not. Continuing. Jade actually shares some clips of the experience happening in the moment where you see the hair on the floor, and you see Jade turn the camera towards her, and she says, It's more than what I expected, but it's per. And then it cuts off, and then Jade continues to share her experience with us. But I'm pretty sure she was getting ready to say it's perfect. So imagine Erica's shock waking up to a meltdown on TikTok after the client left, quote unquote, happy. But it didn't stop there. Jade allegedly threatened Erica, saying she'd have her boyfriend and sister pull up on her. And now Erica is having to seek legal action. That's where it went from emotional to dangerous because no stylist deserves to feel unsafe for doing their job with integrity. So let's talk about why this kind of reaction happens because it's not just about hair, it's about what hair represents. A lot of black women are terrified of haircuts, and I get it. We've been told our hair doesn't grow fast compared to other ethnicities, and it takes longer. And that once it's gone, it's gone. So every inch feels sacred, like proof of the effort we have put in. We equate length with health, status, even identity. So when somebody cut it, even with good intention, it can feel like they're cutting away us. But here's the truth: holding on to damaged hair keeps us from actually reaching those length goals. I know this is not your first time hearing this, okay? Dead ends rob your hair of strength and movement, they make it dry, brittle, and hard to style. It's not about how long your hair is, it's about how strong and alive it is. And Jay's hair, it did look healthier, fuller, and moved with body after that cut. But when you've built your confidence around your hair's length, it's hard to see that through the lens of that paint. Now, stylus, we always catch the heat later. Everything seems good during the appointment. The client's smiling, saying they love it. They even tip. Then days later, boom, there's a video online, a rant, a breakdown. And like I said, we are literally in social media court. I actually talk about this in season one, episode six, when one client almost made me walk away from my passion. She even tried to sue me. Like it was so bad. If you want the details, check the show notes. I will leave it there. It's actually been getting a lot of downloads lately. I don't know what's going on with that episode. I'm like, are people sharing this? Because I am receiving a lot of downloads from that episode. And that was in season one. But this kind of experience reminds us how fragile trust can be. We put our best foot forward, and yet one misunderstanding can go viral overnight. That's why consultation is everything. Before I ever cut a client's hair, I hand them a mirror. I point out the breakage, even the ones that like to hide and give you layers you didn't ask for. Because a lot of clients they don't quite understand how it works practically with dead ends. They're thinking, like, you know, they just only break at the bottom. Yes, that's where it starts. But eventually, if you don't take care of it, it will start traveling up the shaft of your hair and break the rest of your hair off too. And now you have layers. You know what I'm saying? Do you hear what I'm saying? Then I explain, here's what's happening. Here's how much I recommend cutting. What are you comfortable with? Especially if this is a client where the trust has not been established already. You have to do it. If they choose less, I respect it. But I educate them, I let them know that keeping those ends will cause further breakage and dryness, and that we can revisit in six to eight weeks to trim or cut more as it grows. Most clients appreciate that. They trust me more because I didn't go against their wishes. I invited them into the process instead of taking control of it. And I know that can be challenging for us professionals because we know what can really happen, how the hair can really thrive. Because we're listening to the hair goals, right? And we do ultimately want you to achieve those hair goals. So sometimes I have not ever done this. I've been accused of doing this, but I have not ever intentionally done this. Where I I do whatever I want to do. Absolutely not. I have not ever did that to a client. I don't even feel comfortable. It's like a boundary that I'm not comfortable with crossing, and I respect it. But that's how you build long-term trust and consistent growth, both in the hair and in the relationship. And I do wonder if this was Erica's situation where she did consult, the client was okay with it in the moment, but not understanding and realizing once it was gone how much it was. Even I have cut less than what they've recommended. Especially when I sense the hesitance that they are not comfortable with cutting their hair. If they tell me, yeah, I'm okay with two inches, I cut like an inch and a half. I'm like, nope, because I don't want to catch the backlash because your two inches is different from my two inches. My two inches is exactly two inches. Yours is actually two centimeters, you know. I'm just being honest. Like it can be really tricky when it comes to applying shears to a client's hair. Every time. But shoot, I've had to learn how to let go too. We can get so emotionally attached to our hair that we treat it like it's a reflection of our worth. Like we really be doing it. But hair does not return the favor. Have you noticed that? Hair don't return the favor. It has no attachment to us at all. We are attached to it, but it is not attached to us. Let anything, anything, whether you neglect it, whether something is going on internally that's causing your hair loss, it will fall out. It'd be the first thing to respond to anything differently going on inside your body. I mean, don't get me wrong. I really appreciate that because it lets me know I need to go to the doctor and figure something out because why am I losing my hair? It could be related to lupus, it could be a thyroid issue, it could be a number of things. I mean, I appreciate that form of communication that it loves to give me. However, but it's not attached on my head, it will not stay there if sad things are not taken care of. No different from Jade. Her hair was split. I will say that. Her hair was split. And she even had some layers because of the split. You know? Her hair was not committed to her at all. It's like, hey, you ain't been cutting all the ends off, so I'm gonna break off. You know, hair is honest, it's not like us. You know, we don't mind getting wrapped up in a delusion of what we think our hair is, whether it's healthy or unhealthy. Hair is honest and it will tell you the truth every time you don't do what you're supposed to do with it. If we neglect it, overmanipulate it, or ignore its needs, it falls, breaks, or shed, it doesn't care how long you've been on your journey, it don't care. Okay, that's why detaching emotionally doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you start caring correctly. You care from a place of education, not fear. Because if she understood how cutting her dead ends, even if it's more than what she expected, in return, her hair is about to grow back fuller and healthier. If she was educated, it wouldn't have been a problem. Might have been an eyesore, might have had to get used to it, but she wouldn't have had a full-blown meltdown. Now, I do want to open a door for real conversation. I'd love to talk with Erica here on hair, what I'm saying. Give her space to share what stylists really go through when situations like this spiral, because it happens to us more than we share. We don't share the craziness we experience behind that chair for so many reasons. We just don't have time to keep up with the momentum of the traffic that it draws because we do want to engage if y'all are responding to the content. We just don't have the energy, we don't have the time. You know, a lot of our energy is poured into y'all, especially if you are a stylist who books one-on-one, like how I was operating my business. I spent a lot of time, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally nurturing my clients. And by the end of the day, you are so tired. You just don't have it in you to show up, which is why a lot of us aren't on the platform even producing a lot of education. It's just not that simple for us because we have so many hands in our business. You know, I wish it could be different, but it's just not at the moment. But I feel like, you know, things are moving along and you know, the beauty industry isn't, you know, it's evolving in a lot of ways. So hopefully we'll be able to get on this platform a lot more and share our experiences with y'all. And they are not pretty. I'm actually glad y'all got to see one of them. One of them.

unknown: 14:21

You know.

SPEAKER_01: 14:24

And plus us stylists, we can empathize with each other, but it's hard for a client to empathize or sympathize with a hairstylist because you're not a hairstylist. It's easier to empathize and sympathize with the client because you have been a client or you are a client, and that experience can be more relatable because you probably have had some unfortunate experiences with hairstylists behind that chair. So in those moments, you can kind of feel like some truth has been revealed. But sometimes it is a lie. It is a lie, you know. As for the client, after seeing those messages threatening violence, that's not the type of guest I invite on my platform. I stand for healing and accountability, not hostility. At the end of the day, this isn't about taking sides, it's about understanding how deep our connection to hair goes and how that connection can turn toxic if we don't check our emotions. Release is not lost, and that goes for everything in life, not just your hair. Release sometimes is the other side of growth. Most of the times it is, especially if you have an unhealthy attachment, attachment to said thing or said even said person. That's why I said release is not lost, can be for anything, okay? Sometimes letting go of what's damaged is the only way to grow again in your hair and in your healing period. You've been listening to Hear What I'm Saying. I'm your host, Kenitra, reminding you that your stylus is not your enemy all the time. And sometimes the shears are the start of something beautiful. Her hair look amazing after that. However, if it's not what the client wants, they don't see that. So I'm just reminding you to just be careful with your approach and consult and communicate. Cut all the blabber that's going on behind the chair because sometimes clients can get to talking so much, and you trying to sit there and consult, but it's kind of hard because you trying to jump in and talk about the appointment while they're talking about something personal. It just kind of feels like you're interrupting them. So it's like, when do I jump in and say, Okay, hey, let's consult about your haircut or whatever the case may be. If you enjoy this episode, please subscribe. Please leave a rating. I would really appreciate a rating. And share this episode with someone that you know it would resonate and help. I really appreciate y'all continuing to follow the journey and even thinking what I have to say is worth listening to. Until next time, take care.