TikTok Sparks Episode 1 Fallout Over "Long Hair for a Black Woman" Comment

Our conversation about Black hair takes an unexpected turn when a clip that almost went viral before I turned off the comments to slow down the engagement, showcasing the messy yet necessary path toward healing from texturism and lenthism in our community.

• Addressing the fallout when a short TikTok clip from a longer conversation about "long hair for a black woman" sparked cruel comments

• Examining how the same content created different reactions across platforms; war on TikTok versus reserved engagement on Instagram

• Clarifying that repeating harmful language to examine it is not the same as endorsing it

• Challenging the myth that Black women cannot grow long hair; it's a retention problem, not a growth issue

• Providing specific medical tests to request if experiencing hair loss (thyroid, iron/ferritin, vitamin D, B12, hormones, cortisol, blood sugar)

• Understanding that coily textures have physical properties that make moisture retention more challenging

• Offering alternatives for respectful correction: "I hear how that language can sting. Can we unpack why?"

• Encouraging description of hair by its properties (texture, density, porosity) rather than perceived value

Share this with a friend who needs the reminder that her hair can thrive, her voice matters, and her words have weight.

Chapters

• 0:00 Comments Section Fallout
• 3:45 Redirecting with Love and Clarity
• 7:36 Hair Growth Science and Medical Factors
• 13:26 Understanding Curly and Coily Textures
• 16:26 Healing Through Respectful Communication
• 18:34 Closing Thoughts on Hair Stories

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome back to Hair, what I'm Saying, where identity, culture and confidence come together through the lens of our hair. I'm your host, kenetra, and today we're going to talk about the part of healing that is not pretty, the part where a conversation leaves the pod and enters the comment section on TikTok. If you've been with us since episode one this season, you know we set the table on texturism and lenthism where they come from, how they move through families, workplaces and our own self-talk. That first episode was the foundation, the root system. Today is the fruit and the fallout, the moment where a small clip from a long conversation was asked to carry more than it could hold. So here's the context.

Speaker 1: 0:48

In a recent episode, my guest described her mother's hair as quote unquote good hair and said it was long, long for a black woman. I repeated her wording to understand what she meant, to unpack the language so many of us have inherited without consent. Tiktok saw a short clip of that hour and the comments went from curious to charged to cruel honey. People wrote things like jealousy, envy, self-hate. No, it is how you view black hair. It is you honey. Oh baby, where's your self-esteem? It is apparent she does not love herself and even targeting her weight, saying things like she does not or has not chosen healthy things, only negative and derogatory behaviors. Let me say this clearly I understand the offense that language can cause, I understand how those words carry history, but tearing down a black woman's body, her worth or wellness, does not heal our community. It harms it. Does not heal our community, it harms it. That behavior is not correction. Hear me when I say that those examples that I gave you, whether intentional or unintentional, that behavior is not correction. It is a distraction, especially from what I'm trying to do with this season. It is not accountability, it is aggression dressed up as concern. That's the tone I read. But before the spiral went too far, I called my guest directly and asked if she wanted me to delete the post. She said no. We agreed to keep the content up because the conversation does matters and we turned off comments because the energy no longer served healing. It no longer served healing. That's the whole point of this season. But it's interesting how platforms hold space so different, because TikTok it was unfiltered and at war with that post, and then Instagram was more quiet, reserved, I guess, more professional and just more filter. Same clip, two rooms, two outcomes. That was very interesting to me. Now I want to redirect us with love and with clarity.

Speaker 1: 3:22

The point of this season is to unlearn the language that keeps us so small, to question the scripts we did not write and to practice better language in real time. So let's talk about what was helpful, what we can keep and what we must release honey and let go, must release honey and let go. One comment asks what is good hair? That question is gold. For a long time I answered good hair is healthy hair and bad hair is unhealthy hair. I meant well, I really did. I wanted to encourage, I wanted to lift. Then I asked Nia how do you classify unhealthy hair? Just to remind you, nia was the guest in the first episode of this season and she said it is just that unhealthy. That answer made me update my own language. I do not need the label good or bad at all. I can describe hair plainly and respectfully texture, density, color, porosity and leave aesthetics and value judgments at the door. That tiny little shift frees all of us. That's why you got to go back and listen to the whole episode.

Speaker 1: 4:45

There were other thoughtful comments that moved the conversation forward okay, forward, because that's what we're trying to do this season. I think we need to say things aloud more often she adjusted herself the more she spoke it. We do not realize the weight of what we say. That was one comment. The next comment I think it. I think it is what many are used to seeing. I have always seen a mixture. I used to side out people because they made it seem like my textured hair was bad, but my mom's loose curls were better. Another comment so black women can't maintain short hair by choice. Another one White people could consider the length she was referring to as short too. These comments do not attack, they inquire. They take us inside the mind. They help us dissect oppression. They create the conditions for growth. Now let me clear up two points so there is no confusion.

Speaker 1: 5:49

First, the phrase good hair was my guest language Quote unquote good hair. Let me emphasize that. I repeated it to examine it, not to endorse it. That was her own statement when I said so. You said earlier your mom has quote-unquote good hair. She told me my mom has quote-unquote good hair. What she meant by that was the typical standard that we have oppressed to believe what is good hair, and that is literally anything outside of kinky. Those were her words. I was reiterating it, I was repeating it, so that was her saying that, not me asking her the question. I'm just repeating what she said, okay?

Speaker 1: 6:35

Second, the phrase long for a black woman was true to her experience. After we recorded Nia and I got on the phone, she said black folks act like we have not heard that statement before and also like it is not true. For some in her world, growing up, very long hair on black women was uncommon. I told her my experience was the complete opposite. Where I'm from, if hair was not retained in length, families asked about basic hair, basic hair care, because length retention came with consistency. You have two black women, two realities, both honest. Let me take a drink. Let me take a drink. Hold on a second. I'm I'm getting a little parched because y'all I'm preaching, so no ideas, okay. So here is where I stand as a professional and as your sister.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Biology does not support the claim that black women cannot grow long hair. What we often face is not a growth problem, it is a retention problem. It is a retention problem. Your hair is always growing unless there is an internal medical issue. That's the struggle that's keeping you from being able to grow your hair. Here is what has worked for my clients behind the chair, and I have seen it repeatedly with black women who committed to a simple plan Get your regular trims. This is all over. Social media recommended to you. You have to stay on top of your trims. You have to cut away the dead ends that are preventing you from retaining your length.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Okay, keep a consistent routine Moisturize and seal based on your porosity. So you have to know your porosity. Stop chasing every trendy, expensive product. When women follow the plan, they retain the length. I have heard my hair will only grow to a certain length. So many times behind the chair and I have watched that belief fall apart. With consistency you have to be consistent. I am betting on your consistency more than those expensive hair products that you use.

Speaker 1: 9:01

Anything without consistency is not going to grow. It's no different from if you like to water your plants. If you don't stay consistent in that routine that that plant is trying to adapt to, then you will never see that plant thrive. That's anything in life. If you don't brush your teeth regularly, your teeth are going to rot. If you don't take care of your hair with some consistency and regularly, your hair, the integrity of it will suffer. It's just like anything you take care of with consistency. We just have to build up enough courage and put out the right tools and information in order to help you.

Speaker 1: 9:44

Now, if you are caring for your hair with consistency and you are still not retaining length, you need to talk with your doctor, ask about a basic medical workup that can influence hair health, complete blood count. So if you have pen and paper readily and available, I'm gonna need you to pull it out. Here's a strong list that you can request from your doctor, because all of these things, depending on the levels, will affect your hair growth Thyroid levels, tsh, t3, and T4. Iron and ferritin. Iron deficiency is a major cause of hair loss. It was also the reason why my hair last year was retaining no well, it was retaining a length that had grown out, but it was not growing, so it just stayed at a certain length forever and I completely forgot that I was on blood thinners due to a medical emergency last year, so it just thinned all my little blood out a medical emergency last year, so it just thinned out my little blood out. So I started not, you know, my hair just stopped growing. So you know, you just have to stay on top of it and you know how these doctors are. They're not going to request anything beyond the surface of what they need to do. So any changes you see, you know, in your hair, please bring it up to your doctor and I'll tell you why when I'm done giving you this list.

Speaker 1: 11:10

Vitamin D black women we are known for having insufficiency amounts, insufficient excuse me amounts of vitamin D, so we definitely need to make sure our vitamin D levels are performing well. B12 hormones, estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, dhea, cortisol, which is a stress hormone. That cortisol, oh my goodness, that be sometimes the number one reason why we are losing our hair. Blood sugar, insulin resistant markers, fasting glucose, glucose HbA1c. Make sure you ask for those things, to make sure you are checking all of the boxes off when it comes to why your hair is not growing or why you are losing it. And this is what I want to leave you with.

Speaker 1: 12:05

On this specific topic, if they try to give you some pushback, remind those doctors that hair loss isn't just cosmetic or aesthetic. It can be a sign of what's happening inside the body. Point blank, period. Hair talks to you. It doesn't decide to just fall off your head and not grow because it just don't want to. It's trying to tell you internally I'm suffering from something. It could be an autoimmune disease like lupus.

Speaker 1: 12:45

So sometimes clients, when I tell them to go request this specific blood panel, they end up finding out other things about their overall health. And this is what gets on my nerve so bad when it comes to requesting certain things from doctors. I'm like are you here to save lives or not? What you sign up for this for? Like, why did you go to school all them years, invest all that time and energy and money if you ain't gonna do what you're supposed to do? So now I want to shift the conversation over to just talking about the misunderstanding of when it comes to curly and coily textures. There's so much misinformation on social media that leads to this misunderstanding of how to just simply take care of this specific texture because it catches all the backlash. So coily and curly textures they have bends and turns that make it harder for natural oils and water to travel down the strand.

Speaker 1: 13:52

Dryness and mechanical breakage. Mechanical breakage is like rough handling of the hair with tools such as combs and brushes and blow dryers etc. And they show up faster than they do on straight textures. That is one reason many women felt like relaxers help them retain length. Straight strands are easier to coat with moisturizers such as conditioners etc. And detangle, so you lose less to breakage. That is an explanation, not a prescription. Okay, you do not need a relaxer to keep your hair healthy. You need the right routine for the hair you actually have and the patience oh my gosh, the patience to protect it. Now I want to return to the beginning. Now I want to return to the beginning.

Speaker 1: 14:51

The comments that became weapons. If you are tempted to comment on a woman's body or to shame her choices, just pause. Ask yourself does this educate respectfully, or does this insult? Am I listening with empathy or am I projecting? If the goal is healing, your method has to match that energy. Okay, so here is how we would redirect without all the violence you know know you could have.

Speaker 1: 15:27

You could say things like I hear how that language can sting. Can we unpack why it stings and what to say instead? Or you can say I grew up hearing that too. Here is how I am unlearning it. This shows that you can relate to the speaker that is speaking on said topic, and then you follow up with the education that helped you unlearn that oppression. Or you can say when we say long or short, are we quoting our family scale or our own, because a lot of this stuff has been passed down. You can also just disagree, say why, but with love. That is correction, that is community, that is grown woman, energy.

Speaker 1: 16:26

So what do we take away from this clip and the chaos that followed? One a short clip cannot carry an hour of context. Watch the full episode if you want the meat and potatoes. Two educate respectfully. We can challenge without shaming. That's the thing. Three learn how to listen with empathy and not from a place of judgment.

Speaker 1: 16:58

Four update the language. Describe hair by its properties, not its perceived value. That was the one I'm going to take away for myself. Five remember that growth is happening on your head every day. Retention is the word and consistency is a tool. Like I said, I'm betting on consistency and your hair cuts and trims more than anybody's hair product out here. That has value than these expensive, fancy, cute little products with all these glamorous marketing strategies in order to get you to hop on the bandwagon, in order for them to pretty much make money. Let's just call it what it is.

Speaker 1: 17:45

To Nia, thank you for your honesty and for staying with the conversation when it would have been easier to disappear. To the listeners who ask thoughtful questions, thank you for helping us do what this season is designed to do Heal and grow. To the sisters who chose a little bit of harm, I still want better for you. May you find language that lifts, though, because your words are building something, even if you cannot see it yet.

Speaker 1: 18:18

I will close where we began in episode one, with the truth that our hair stories sit inside larger systems we did not create, and yet we have the power to author our response. We cannot stop every stereotype from knocking on our door, but we can decide what gets to live in our house, the things that we internalize. That's a. We have to unlearn it, but it's a choice to unlearn over here. The house rule is simple say it with love, say it with precision, say it in a way that lets another black woman breathe easier, not harder. Thank you for listening to hear what I'm saying. Share this with a friend who needs the reminder that her hair can thrive, her voice matters and her words have weight. I will see you next time.